Good Friday

We love him, because he first loved us. 

-1 John 4:19 

I find it difficult to get out of bed when it's still dark outside and the person next to me is sound asleep. Still, I slowly pulled myself out of bed. I did not want to go to work today. I thought of the patients I would have to encounter.  I assessed the scratchiness of my sore throat and determined that I was not ill enough to call in sick. Then a charitable thought came into my mind as I made my way to the kitchen. This weekend was Easter and the 28 patients I worked with would have to spend this holiday away from home and their friends and families. I should try to make it as nice as I could.

I pulled a semi-wrinkled shirt from dryer. As I walked out of the kitchen, I looked at calendar. After dreamily looking at the turquoise water in the photograph of the Virgin Islands, I glanced down at today's date. Today was Good Friday, the day representing the Savior's crucifixion. As I went back into the bedroom, I found Nate lying in bed. The stress and frustration of Nate's unemployment crept up within me as well as my desire not to go to work. As my mind reflected back I thought back to the events of the sacred events that lead up to the day that we celebrate as Easter, I though about the Savior's hesitation (for lack of a better word) before he completed His work in Gethsemane as He said, "Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done" (Luke 22:42).

Christmas is a very busy time for me at work. Two to three weeks before Christmas is an absolute dead sprint as we buy and wrap presents for 30 patients (some we won't even meet until after Christmas) and planning activities for the leading up to and on Christmas on top of everything else we have to do every week (progress notes, running and charting groups, one to one sessions with patients, planning and preparing for weekend activities, treatment plans, discharge interviews, etc.). While everything seem to run smoothly this year (a first for me), it left me burned out and drained. I couldn't seem to recuperate from Christmas.

For the past three months, I have been dealing with many of the sickest patients of my career. And these patients have not been  coming one at a time, they come in groups. As we help them to stabilize and return to the community, we get more patients replacing them that are just as sick or worse. I feel like I am competing in a triathlon that I haven't prepared for.

I kissed Nate good-bye and as I walked outside, the birds were chirping and the sky was a watercolor of blues, oranges, and pinks. Something I would have missed if I had called in sick. I listened to The Olive Press on my way to work.  I really enjoy how Truman G. Madsen was able to point out the symbolism of the Holy Land in relation to the Savior's teachings.

As I continued to think of the Atonement, I thought of the verse in Alma 7 "And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people" (v.11). The Savior felt what I felt today. He has felt my frustration, apathy, and weariness. Shayne M. Bowen said, “as we rely on the Atonement of Jesus Christ, He can help us endure our trials, sicknesses, and pain. We can be filled with joy, peace, and consolation. All that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ” ("Because I Live, Ye Shall Live Also", CR Oct 2012).  He too worked with people who were difficult and did not feel that they needed help. He even had those whom he loved and they loved Him sleep as He faced a difficult challenge (Matthew 25:40).

These past couple of months has made me appreciate what Easter represents. How grateful I am that we have a God whose plan included a Savior. "Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins" (1 John 4:10). He is a Savior not saving us from our sins, but someone to save us from drowning as we go through the trials that refine us to become more like Him (Matthew 14:31, "How Firm a Foundation" v. 4-5).

Two songs relate how I feel about Easter this year: