Sunday, June 6, 2010
Mr. Alligator, Alligator, Alligator
The title is a blog post is a song that my niece likes to sing. I flew down to Florida this week for an interview. On Thursday night, I was standing on a dock, watching an amazing sunset, eating the best flavor of ice cream I’ve ever had (Captain's Butterscotch- butterscotch topping, brownie chunks, and miniature chocolate peanut butter cups), when I heard something in the water below me. I thought it was a duck (since I was on a lake). I looked down and there is an alligator about 5 feet away from me. He stayed around just long enough for me to snap a shot of him. He must have been a member of the Florida Welcoming Committee stopping by to say hello. Since that experience I have had "Mr. Alligator" stuck in my head. :)
Saturday, May 8, 2010
And then I graduated...Wait, what?
I'm a college graduate. That's a strange to think that I'm done with college, possibly forever (a Master's degree is sitting on the back burner for the next few years). My parents came into town on Thursday and I drove down from Idaho that day as well. Every restaurant was packed of course as it usually is that time of year. I introduced my parents to Zupa's, a soup, salad, and sandwich place.
D. Todd Christofferson spoke at commencement exercises. J. Willard Marriott, Chairman and CEO of Marriott International spoke at convocation. It took an hour and a half to hand out all the degrees. Many graduates left with their families after they got their degrees. My department was at the end, so a lot of people had left by the time I walked across the stage. My parents moved so that they were near where graduates were having their portraits taken before walking across the stage. My mother yelled, “You go girl” in spirit of my college application essay.
My college application essay:
"With baton in hand, I took off, only 400 meters to the finish line. I had never sprinted so fast. I was nearing the finish when my coach yelled, "Lean forward!" As I stretched out, I lost balance. Suddenly I was on the ground ten feet from the finish line. The surround sound of 'Ohh's' let me know how many people were watching. Other runner's feet raced past me. Should I get up?
This was the first time I had fallen in a race, but it wasn't the first time I'd seen people finish before me. Many times I had been the last person to hand in her in-class essay or the last to finish a test. The reading assignment my classmates were able to scan in between first and second period, took me an hour the night before. But I learned I could compete with other students, as long as i invested enough time. I didn't give up.
I knew I had to finish the race. Reaching back, I grabbed the baton, pulled myself up and sprinted. I heard the applause from the stands. One woman yelled, 'You go girl!' When I cross the stage at my college graduation, I think I'll hear her words again calling faintly in my mind. It won't be the end of a race though, it will be the beginning."
I got a bit choked up as I walked toward the stage. I realized that this moment was something that I had looked forward to for so long. The path that I took to get to that moment was full of laughter, late nights (for both academic and social reasons), tears, teachers’ curricular excitement & passion that I got caught up in, stress, group projects, and friends whose influence I hope will never fade. There is a part of me that wishes that I could go back to that lifestyle, but the other part of me looks forward to the life that lies ahead. I have my heading and am anxious to see what lies on the other side of my horizon.
My 1950's housewife dress :)
"It won't be the end the race, it will be the beginning"
D. Todd Christofferson spoke at commencement exercises. J. Willard Marriott, Chairman and CEO of Marriott International spoke at convocation. It took an hour and a half to hand out all the degrees. Many graduates left with their families after they got their degrees. My department was at the end, so a lot of people had left by the time I walked across the stage. My parents moved so that they were near where graduates were having their portraits taken before walking across the stage. My mother yelled, “You go girl” in spirit of my college application essay.
My college application essay:
"With baton in hand, I took off, only 400 meters to the finish line. I had never sprinted so fast. I was nearing the finish when my coach yelled, "Lean forward!" As I stretched out, I lost balance. Suddenly I was on the ground ten feet from the finish line. The surround sound of 'Ohh's' let me know how many people were watching. Other runner's feet raced past me. Should I get up?
This was the first time I had fallen in a race, but it wasn't the first time I'd seen people finish before me. Many times I had been the last person to hand in her in-class essay or the last to finish a test. The reading assignment my classmates were able to scan in between first and second period, took me an hour the night before. But I learned I could compete with other students, as long as i invested enough time. I didn't give up.
I knew I had to finish the race. Reaching back, I grabbed the baton, pulled myself up and sprinted. I heard the applause from the stands. One woman yelled, 'You go girl!' When I cross the stage at my college graduation, I think I'll hear her words again calling faintly in my mind. It won't be the end of a race though, it will be the beginning."
I got a bit choked up as I walked toward the stage. I realized that this moment was something that I had looked forward to for so long. The path that I took to get to that moment was full of laughter, late nights (for both academic and social reasons), tears, teachers’ curricular excitement & passion that I got caught up in, stress, group projects, and friends whose influence I hope will never fade. There is a part of me that wishes that I could go back to that lifestyle, but the other part of me looks forward to the life that lies ahead. I have my heading and am anxious to see what lies on the other side of my horizon.
My 1950's housewife dress :)
"It won't be the end the race, it will be the beginning"
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Conquering a Mountain
The two year mark from when I came home from my mission was a few months ago. In the past, year marks have been hard for me: when I came home from my mission, when I entered the MTC, when I was suppose to come home, etc. I didn’t feel like I was really getting better until March 2009. I was walking home from campus one day and I felt happy. There was still more healing to do after that, but after I had hit that point, it was a lot easier to do.
My trial with panic attacks isn’t over, however, I do feel prepared enough to move on to the next challenges of my life. It has been a challenging past two and half years. It’s been the most difficult thing I have gone through, but also the experience that has offered the most amount of growth.
This experience reminded me of a story that my mission president shared in a zone conference:
“In a Sunday School class there was sharp criticism of the ill-fated Martin and Willie Handcart Companies, which met with tragedy because of their late start on the trek to the Salt Lake Valley. An elderly man arose and said: ‘I ask you to stop this criticism. You are discussing a matter you know nothing about. Cold historic facts … give no proper interpretation of the questions involved. Mistake to send the Handcart Company out so late in the season? Yes. But I was in that company and my wife … too. We suffered beyond anything you can imagine and many died of exposure and starvation, but … we became acquainted with [God] in our extrem[i]ties.’” (Elder Robert L. Backman, emphasis added)
I feel that I became God acquainted with God with this experience.
•Patience: There were times that I got frustrated because I didn’t feel like my prayers were being answered. I turned from Him. However, when I turned back to Him, He was there waiting.
•Omnipotent: Many opportunities were given to me because of the timing of my release from my mission. I was able to serve in leadership positions in church and also on my department’s student council. In January 2009, I was singing the closing hymn in sacrament meeting when I got the impression, “You would not be teaching Sunday School today had you not been medically released from your mission.” It was such a small and simple thing, but it showed me that my Heavenly Father really did have a plan for me.
•Merciful: Many people were sent into my life to help me through this difficult time; roommates, Home Teachers, and people in my wards. I had an amazing counselor that helped me see how I could take control of my panic attacks and how my panic attacks can be a warning of when I’m not taking care of things that I should. I was also blessed with amazing parents who were patient and encouraging of getting the help that I desperately needed.
•Loving: Many times throughout this experience that I cried and prayed that this burden might be lifted from me. However, it was not. I think He knew that there was more that I had to learn from this experience. I don’t know what it is like to be a parent, but I can imagine that if father saw his child suffering, he would do whatever it took to relieve her of that pain. It must take a lot of love and strength to hold back that power to heal in order to let a child learn from a difficult experience.
I’ve been able to use this experience to relate to the patients that I work with at the psychiatric hospital that I did my internship at. I’ve developed two lesson ideas. The first one, we talk about the therapeutic aspects of writing: journaling, poetry, and stories. I tell my patients that I will never ask them to do something I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing. So I often do an example of what we are doing. I try to do it relating to experience to my panic attacks. I don’t directly tell them what has happened in my past, but I try to relate that I have some insight as to what they are going through. Here is the poem that wrote for my therapeutic writing group:
Shivers go down my spine
The lack of light makes me cold
Beads of sweat race down my neck
As I ascend from the low valley floor
To a mountaintop
Where sunshine dances upon its purple peak
I reach a ledge near its top
Light and wholeness within my reach
But a painful squall flings me
Like a rag doll down the cutting mountainside
With abrasions covering my crumpled body
I begin reclaiming the slope
Rocks slip under my pressure
I hold to secure ones for dear life
I reach the ledge
“Hope was here” engraved upon its face
My body flung from its edge again and again
By the same troublesome wind
Each blow raises my determination
“I will see another sunrise,” I avow
As I reach the ledge, I brace for wind
But it does not come
A blissful grin radiates the hope released within
I ascend to the top of the peak
Marveling at the stunning view that encompasses me
The valley below no longer seems so dark
I embrace the sun in a sweet reunion
Before I venture and conquer another mountain
The second lesson I teach is the therapeutic aspects of art. I talk about the different types of art: Honore- realistic portrayal, Picasso- cubism, Pollack- dripping and scattering paint, and Van Gogh- post impressionism. I talk about how Van Gogh painted Starry Night when he was in a psychiatric hospital. Then I show my patients the symbolism behind different colors. I give them the option to draw something that reflects how they are currently feeling or a coloring page of Starry Night. I also show them this drawing:
I ask them to interpret the painting. I then explain that this was a difficult time in my life and that I felt as though I was sitting the dark with the light out of my grasp. I try to also show them that you don’t have to amazing at art for it to be a way of expressing yourself and a form of stress relief. I then have them go around and explain their drawings to me and their peers. It’s amazing the insight I get from these patients when I do these groups. Many of them really reach down inside themselves and when they do that and allow me to see what is beneath the surface, that’s when the real therapy can begin.
Like I said earlier, this has been a rough road to travel down, but I’m so glad I went through it. I used to think by doing my mission, when I went through a difficult time I could look back and say, “Well, I served a mission and that was a difficult thing, I can do this.” It was going my overwhelming mastery experience (Bandura’s Self-Efficacy Theory). When I came home from my mission early and I was disappointed that I wasn’t going to be able to use that. What I learned through this experience was much better. It taught me that when times are difficult, if I do everything that I can and rely on the Lord everything will turn out. Sometimes our plans are different from the Lord’s but if we put our trust in Him and let our will melt into His, things will turn out even better, including ourselves.
My trial with panic attacks isn’t over, however, I do feel prepared enough to move on to the next challenges of my life. It has been a challenging past two and half years. It’s been the most difficult thing I have gone through, but also the experience that has offered the most amount of growth.
This experience reminded me of a story that my mission president shared in a zone conference:
“In a Sunday School class there was sharp criticism of the ill-fated Martin and Willie Handcart Companies, which met with tragedy because of their late start on the trek to the Salt Lake Valley. An elderly man arose and said: ‘I ask you to stop this criticism. You are discussing a matter you know nothing about. Cold historic facts … give no proper interpretation of the questions involved. Mistake to send the Handcart Company out so late in the season? Yes. But I was in that company and my wife … too. We suffered beyond anything you can imagine and many died of exposure and starvation, but … we became acquainted with [God] in our extrem[i]ties.’” (Elder Robert L. Backman, emphasis added)
I feel that I became God acquainted with God with this experience.
•Patience: There were times that I got frustrated because I didn’t feel like my prayers were being answered. I turned from Him. However, when I turned back to Him, He was there waiting.
•Omnipotent: Many opportunities were given to me because of the timing of my release from my mission. I was able to serve in leadership positions in church and also on my department’s student council. In January 2009, I was singing the closing hymn in sacrament meeting when I got the impression, “You would not be teaching Sunday School today had you not been medically released from your mission.” It was such a small and simple thing, but it showed me that my Heavenly Father really did have a plan for me.
•Merciful: Many people were sent into my life to help me through this difficult time; roommates, Home Teachers, and people in my wards. I had an amazing counselor that helped me see how I could take control of my panic attacks and how my panic attacks can be a warning of when I’m not taking care of things that I should. I was also blessed with amazing parents who were patient and encouraging of getting the help that I desperately needed.
•Loving: Many times throughout this experience that I cried and prayed that this burden might be lifted from me. However, it was not. I think He knew that there was more that I had to learn from this experience. I don’t know what it is like to be a parent, but I can imagine that if father saw his child suffering, he would do whatever it took to relieve her of that pain. It must take a lot of love and strength to hold back that power to heal in order to let a child learn from a difficult experience.
I’ve been able to use this experience to relate to the patients that I work with at the psychiatric hospital that I did my internship at. I’ve developed two lesson ideas. The first one, we talk about the therapeutic aspects of writing: journaling, poetry, and stories. I tell my patients that I will never ask them to do something I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing. So I often do an example of what we are doing. I try to do it relating to experience to my panic attacks. I don’t directly tell them what has happened in my past, but I try to relate that I have some insight as to what they are going through. Here is the poem that wrote for my therapeutic writing group:
Shivers go down my spine
The lack of light makes me cold
Beads of sweat race down my neck
As I ascend from the low valley floor
To a mountaintop
Where sunshine dances upon its purple peak
I reach a ledge near its top
Light and wholeness within my reach
But a painful squall flings me
Like a rag doll down the cutting mountainside
With abrasions covering my crumpled body
I begin reclaiming the slope
Rocks slip under my pressure
I hold to secure ones for dear life
I reach the ledge
“Hope was here” engraved upon its face
My body flung from its edge again and again
By the same troublesome wind
Each blow raises my determination
“I will see another sunrise,” I avow
As I reach the ledge, I brace for wind
But it does not come
A blissful grin radiates the hope released within
I ascend to the top of the peak
Marveling at the stunning view that encompasses me
The valley below no longer seems so dark
I embrace the sun in a sweet reunion
Before I venture and conquer another mountain
The second lesson I teach is the therapeutic aspects of art. I talk about the different types of art: Honore- realistic portrayal, Picasso- cubism, Pollack- dripping and scattering paint, and Van Gogh- post impressionism. I talk about how Van Gogh painted Starry Night when he was in a psychiatric hospital. Then I show my patients the symbolism behind different colors. I give them the option to draw something that reflects how they are currently feeling or a coloring page of Starry Night. I also show them this drawing:
I ask them to interpret the painting. I then explain that this was a difficult time in my life and that I felt as though I was sitting the dark with the light out of my grasp. I try to also show them that you don’t have to amazing at art for it to be a way of expressing yourself and a form of stress relief. I then have them go around and explain their drawings to me and their peers. It’s amazing the insight I get from these patients when I do these groups. Many of them really reach down inside themselves and when they do that and allow me to see what is beneath the surface, that’s when the real therapy can begin.
Like I said earlier, this has been a rough road to travel down, but I’m so glad I went through it. I used to think by doing my mission, when I went through a difficult time I could look back and say, “Well, I served a mission and that was a difficult thing, I can do this.” It was going my overwhelming mastery experience (Bandura’s Self-Efficacy Theory). When I came home from my mission early and I was disappointed that I wasn’t going to be able to use that. What I learned through this experience was much better. It taught me that when times are difficult, if I do everything that I can and rely on the Lord everything will turn out. Sometimes our plans are different from the Lord’s but if we put our trust in Him and let our will melt into His, things will turn out even better, including ourselves.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Valentine's Weekend
My friend, Nikki (the one on the right), came out from Hawaii for the three day weekend. I decided to drive down to Utah so my old roommates and I could get together for a little reunion. It was so much fun! It felt like being home again. For me, it's not really where I am, but who I'm with. I had a great time catching up with them, playing games, and making breakfast together. It wasn't until we were all together that I realized how much I missed them. These girls really are special people in my life.
I was also able to catch up with other roommates as well while I was down there. I actually stayed with all my old roommates (with the exception of one set) since I've been at college. I consider myself so blessed to have had such wonderful roommates.
Amaya Cornish also made an appearance while I was down in Utah. While I was in my last ward, I started writing really cheesy love notes under the name Amaya Cornish through the nice notes at ward prayer to a guy nicknamed Cookie. I thought it might be fun if Amaya made a appearance since I was already in the area, so I wrote a poem for Valentine's Day.
I swiftly ascend to the solitary hillcrest
For thoughts of you raise me heavenward
I deferentially walk to your side
You turn to me and declare with conviction, “I am Heathcliff!”
I stand mesmerized by your fiery, cerulean eyes
Before you came into my life
The sign “Abandon hope, you who enter here”
Hung on the dilapidated door to my heart
“Let me be your be your Valentine,” I whisper
An impressionistic sunrise stretches out before us
The endless summer of our lives bejeweled with fading morning stars
With my hand firmly in yours
We depart for Kythera
Monday, January 18, 2010
Let the Adventure Begin!
So I've moved from Utah to Idaho. As I crossed the border to Idaho, I said, "Let the adventure begin!" So far it's been a really positive experience. I'm living in a house with four other girls: Janae, Lacey, Sonia, and Meghann. It's nice because they're really social and so I'm getting to know a lot of people. The ward is great. I'm liking that the fact there are more guys in the ward than girls. Finally the tables have finally turn!
I finished my first week at the hospital. I had orientation on Monday. I've been following recreation therapists getting use to the schedule and learning more about the groups that they run. I'm learning so much and I'm excited when I get to be running the groups on my own. It's never a dull moment with the patients. :)
I finished my first week at the hospital. I had orientation on Monday. I've been following recreation therapists getting use to the schedule and learning more about the groups that they run. I'm learning so much and I'm excited when I get to be running the groups on my own. It's never a dull moment with the patients. :)
Sunday, November 8, 2009
The two crocodile hunters and the safari guide
Julie and Me 
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Summer Highlights
Hikes:
I went on a few hikes this summer. I really enjoyed being in the outdoors with friends. We hiked to a few hot springs and waterfalls.
Outings:
One thing I love about summer up here is that people are a lot more social. We had a lot of game nights, movie nights, and various outings. Here is a picture of Darin and Alisha at our Pioneer Day Celebration.
Tim Tam Slam:
Andrew and Blake
Blake was a guy in my ward who just got home from serving his mission in Japan. We had talked about Tim Tams and Tim Tam Slams. So, I went and purchased a few packages and invited people over for a Tim Tam Slam. It was fun to see people's different reactions to slamming.
Carrie slamming
When a tim tam slam goes wrong
Oquirrh Mountain Open House:
The Oquirrh Mountain Temple open house was this summer. I went with my roommate, Ashley, and former roommate, Shelece, who was up in Provo for a conference. It was a very pretty temple.
Relief Society:
I had the opportunity to serve as first counselor in the Relief Society Presidency this summer. I loved serving with Taylor, Kaitlyn, Alisha, and Kat. I loved meeting with each individual girl during visiting teaching interviews. We had heaps of fun this summer, but were relieved when we were released. Here is a picture from our sleepover enrichment activity.
Birthdays:
Quite a few of my friends had birthdays this summer as well. One of them was Azul, who is also a big rugby fan. I made her a cake and decorated it like a rugby field. It's certainly not as fancy as the cakes my sister, Kate, used to make for my birthdays, but I've got to start somewhere.
Homecoming:
The Elders that I started my mission with came home this summer. It has been fun to catch up with. I went to Elder Tyson Davis' homecoming.Intramural Games:
I attended many intramural games that people in my ward participated in. The video is after the last game was of the ultimate Frisbee team (and yes, that is me screaming in the background). I actually helped decorate the banner on a group date.
Dates:
I went a few dates this summer. Some, I've already mentioned. It was funny because most of dates were with guys from the same apartment. I ended up going on dates with 4 of the 5 guys in that apartment. Toward the end of the summer, my ward set up a tie date. What happens is that guys bring their ties to an apartment. The next night, girls come over and select a tie that has a number, the day and time of the date attached to it. The person in charge tells you who that number belongs to. Then the girl has to do two acts of anonymous service for her date through out the week. Along with my date's day and time, it also told me to wear blue. So I made chocolate chip cookies and dyed them blue. I then got a package of glow in the dark stars because my date, Peter, loves astronomy. I thought it was funny because the tie I selected happened to belong to a guy in the apartment I mentioned. I just couldn't get away from them. The theme for that night was colors. We all made dinner, but our assignment had to be in the color that we were wearing. Peter and I made blueberry muffins and blue mashed potatoes for our side dish. The guys rolled out a piece of butcher paper and we finger painted. Then we played twister. It was an awesome night.
Weddings:
My good friend (and former roommate) Melissa got married this summer in the new Draper Temple. Now it's just Nikki and me that are left.
Jeannette, a friend from high school, also got married in August. I was able to go to her bachelorette party while I was home.
Going home:
My sister Kate and her family were home the same time I was. We did many activities for Ellie-Jane (it was fun to act like a kid again). I have to admit, I thought it was rather humorous to have five adults participating in an activity for one kid. I felt like we were Ellie-Jane's entourage. Here is Ellie-Jane feeding the horses by our house.
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